Davina was born as Theodore Nappysack in the year 1962 in the Italian section of Prospect, Nova Scotia.
It could be seen from his early age that Theodore (aka. Davina) was destined to become a professional basketball player. Overcoming all odds (his height was just 5'5", he was very very slow, he suffered from an inability to bounce a ball, he was visually-impaired (legally blind) and he spoke no English, only his native Swahili), he realized his dream and was a member of the NBA champion Boston Celtics in the mid 70s to early 80's, which is quite warm if its in Celsius. Oh yeah, and he did that astrologer thing too...
As an astrological forecaster, Davina had been forced into retirement due to the number of law suits and mounting legal fees.
But the amazing Davina is back due to popular demand and/or the waning number of death threats.
Here is the forecast ... FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!
It could be seen from his early age that Theodore (aka. Davina) was destined to become a professional basketball player. Overcoming all odds (his height was just 5'5", he was very very slow, he suffered from an inability to bounce a ball, he was visually-impaired (legally blind) and he spoke no English, only his native Swahili), he realized his dream and was a member of the NBA champion Boston Celtics in the mid 70s to early 80's, which is quite warm if its in Celsius. Oh yeah, and he did that astrologer thing too...
As an astrological forecaster, Davina had been forced into retirement due to the number of law suits and mounting legal fees.
But the amazing Davina is back due to popular demand and/or the waning number of death threats.
Here is the forecast ... FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!
Aries (Mar 21 to Apr 19)
Things are not looking good this week. You will find that family members cannot be trusted. They should be avoided at all cost, particularly children as the are scheming against you. No it is not paranoia. If at all possible, do not share any transportation with another person - not even an elevator - or an overwhelming sense of invasion may push you over the edge.
Taurus (Apr 20 to May 20)
They say no luck is better than bad luck; unfortunately for you the week is filled with bad luck o' plenty. In order to stem this tide of bad luck, here are a few suggestions. Do not, under any circumstance, answer your phone - be it at home or at work. Use voice mail if you have it....but do not check your messages. Try not to make eye contact when speaking with someone. Try to spend more time with colouring books and Lego and eat only once a day. Eggs would be best.
Gemini (May 21 to Jun 20)
Things during the past little while have been rough, but you must look forward to much better times. Unfortunately there's no chance whatsoever that things will get any better. I myself have ended all contact with any Gemini friends or acquaintances, and I strongly suggest you do the same. Don't bother buying anything like a lottery ticket or a wager of any kind; you might as well just throw your money out the window. Your money would be much better off in , say, some type of insurance policy.
Cancer (Jun 21 to Jul 22)
I strongly considered not even including Cancer's forecast this week. But I didn't think that would be fair. Suffice it to say, stay in bed....all week....don't even get up to use the washroom. Don't talk to anyone. Keep breathing to a minimum.
Leo (Jul 23 to Aug 22)
Hey big news. That job promotion you were up for....you won't get it. But don't be discouraged, as on the home front your significant other will be breaking off the affair they are having to give the relationship he/she is having with you one last shot. And don't forget your drivers license is soon to be reinstated.
Virgo (Aug 23 to Sept 22)
You have dealt with death in the family before, so that won't be a problem - it's the number of deaths that will be difficult to deal with. However, you will not be suspected. And remember, even if you find yourself in court, if the evidence is circumstantial, stick with the not guilty plea. If that doesn't work out you can go for insanity later.
Libra (Sept 23 to Oct 22)
You find yourself tiring of your job and the animosity between you and your co-workers is such that you have found your tires slashed in the parking lot. Well, don't lash back in anger, lash back in love. Turn the other cheek, so to speak. You will feel much better about yourself. Oh sure, the tire slashing and backstabbing will continue....but you will have proven yourself the better person and quite possibly just a big loser.
Scorpio (Oct 23 to Nov 21)
Unhappy with your appearance you try something new. Unfortunately the results are worse and you are a laughing stock. You notice your parole officer is acting standoffish. Well, that's because he is a Taurus. You will find that missing shoe. However, you will also develop a corn the size of a grape making all footwear unbearable.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 to Dec 21)
You find out this week (from me) that you were adopted. To make matters worse you find out you weren't even one of the top five choices of your adopted parents, and would not have been adopted at all if the Portuguese immigration papers had been processed on time. At least you know why you have always been treated differently than the "real" kids who you used to refer as your brothers and sisters. On the bright side a quick trip to the dentist will result in the quick removal of that popcorn kernel that has been lodged in your molar from that time you saw Forrest Gump.
Capricorn (Dec 22 to Jan 19)
Your memory comes back and you quickly realize that it's the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Smashing your head against the wall won't make your memory go away, it will just leave cuts and bruises and annoy people.
Aquarius (Jan 20 to Feb 18)
Things are looking up, as usual. You get that big raise you were waiting for and win a house. You will come across a wallet filled with cash - you quickly pocket the money and dispose of the wallet. You notice that everyone around you seems depressed and forlorn, but you don't give it much thought as you really couldn't care less. You find yourself with an opportunity to have someone's wages garnished and quickly take advantage. A rough time with a loved one is quickly patched up as you convince him/her that it will never happen again (try not to smile). Oh and remember, it's your Mother's birthday so give her a call, as she still owes you money. And while you're speaking to her maybe apologize for having her wages garnished.
Pisces (Feb 19 to Mar 20)
As the fall turns to winter you find the weather getting colder and the days shorter. This is due to the earth's orbit around the sun and the angle at which the earth is tilted on it's axis. If you had stayed in school and got some kind of an education you might have realized this. Instead, the same as every other year, you think the world is coming to an end so you run down the basement and hide. Your letter to Santa Claus will be returned to you. In the coming week you will fall down a flight of stairs, fall off a ladder twice and accumulate late charges on video rentals of $63.25. Oh and by the way, your fly is down.
Things are not looking good this week. You will find that family members cannot be trusted. They should be avoided at all cost, particularly children as the are scheming against you. No it is not paranoia. If at all possible, do not share any transportation with another person - not even an elevator - or an overwhelming sense of invasion may push you over the edge.
Taurus (Apr 20 to May 20)
They say no luck is better than bad luck; unfortunately for you the week is filled with bad luck o' plenty. In order to stem this tide of bad luck, here are a few suggestions. Do not, under any circumstance, answer your phone - be it at home or at work. Use voice mail if you have it....but do not check your messages. Try not to make eye contact when speaking with someone. Try to spend more time with colouring books and Lego and eat only once a day. Eggs would be best.
Gemini (May 21 to Jun 20)
Things during the past little while have been rough, but you must look forward to much better times. Unfortunately there's no chance whatsoever that things will get any better. I myself have ended all contact with any Gemini friends or acquaintances, and I strongly suggest you do the same. Don't bother buying anything like a lottery ticket or a wager of any kind; you might as well just throw your money out the window. Your money would be much better off in , say, some type of insurance policy.
Cancer (Jun 21 to Jul 22)
I strongly considered not even including Cancer's forecast this week. But I didn't think that would be fair. Suffice it to say, stay in bed....all week....don't even get up to use the washroom. Don't talk to anyone. Keep breathing to a minimum.
Leo (Jul 23 to Aug 22)
Hey big news. That job promotion you were up for....you won't get it. But don't be discouraged, as on the home front your significant other will be breaking off the affair they are having to give the relationship he/she is having with you one last shot. And don't forget your drivers license is soon to be reinstated.
Virgo (Aug 23 to Sept 22)
You have dealt with death in the family before, so that won't be a problem - it's the number of deaths that will be difficult to deal with. However, you will not be suspected. And remember, even if you find yourself in court, if the evidence is circumstantial, stick with the not guilty plea. If that doesn't work out you can go for insanity later.
Libra (Sept 23 to Oct 22)
You find yourself tiring of your job and the animosity between you and your co-workers is such that you have found your tires slashed in the parking lot. Well, don't lash back in anger, lash back in love. Turn the other cheek, so to speak. You will feel much better about yourself. Oh sure, the tire slashing and backstabbing will continue....but you will have proven yourself the better person and quite possibly just a big loser.
Scorpio (Oct 23 to Nov 21)
Unhappy with your appearance you try something new. Unfortunately the results are worse and you are a laughing stock. You notice your parole officer is acting standoffish. Well, that's because he is a Taurus. You will find that missing shoe. However, you will also develop a corn the size of a grape making all footwear unbearable.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 to Dec 21)
You find out this week (from me) that you were adopted. To make matters worse you find out you weren't even one of the top five choices of your adopted parents, and would not have been adopted at all if the Portuguese immigration papers had been processed on time. At least you know why you have always been treated differently than the "real" kids who you used to refer as your brothers and sisters. On the bright side a quick trip to the dentist will result in the quick removal of that popcorn kernel that has been lodged in your molar from that time you saw Forrest Gump.
Capricorn (Dec 22 to Jan 19)
Your memory comes back and you quickly realize that it's the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Smashing your head against the wall won't make your memory go away, it will just leave cuts and bruises and annoy people.
Aquarius (Jan 20 to Feb 18)
Things are looking up, as usual. You get that big raise you were waiting for and win a house. You will come across a wallet filled with cash - you quickly pocket the money and dispose of the wallet. You notice that everyone around you seems depressed and forlorn, but you don't give it much thought as you really couldn't care less. You find yourself with an opportunity to have someone's wages garnished and quickly take advantage. A rough time with a loved one is quickly patched up as you convince him/her that it will never happen again (try not to smile). Oh and remember, it's your Mother's birthday so give her a call, as she still owes you money. And while you're speaking to her maybe apologize for having her wages garnished.
Pisces (Feb 19 to Mar 20)
As the fall turns to winter you find the weather getting colder and the days shorter. This is due to the earth's orbit around the sun and the angle at which the earth is tilted on it's axis. If you had stayed in school and got some kind of an education you might have realized this. Instead, the same as every other year, you think the world is coming to an end so you run down the basement and hide. Your letter to Santa Claus will be returned to you. In the coming week you will fall down a flight of stairs, fall off a ladder twice and accumulate late charges on video rentals of $63.25. Oh and by the way, your fly is down.
Well, that's it for the forecast from...
Davina, Watcher of the Stars.
So have a great week and remember... reach for the stars.
You might look silly, as you are much to short to actually reach them - but it's a great back exercise.
Davina, Watcher of the Stars.
So have a great week and remember... reach for the stars.
You might look silly, as you are much to short to actually reach them - but it's a great back exercise.
